days of my life.

its been so long since the last entry i have here and i dunt know if anyone still reads it, but thats fine, coz i am only writing in here to let out some of my feelings.

alot has been going on recently and i've really tried my very best to handle everything at the same time. and btw, i am not a very good multi-task handler. ha.

somethings i feel that i have to let it out and to at least make myself feel better.

1st of all, i might not be a very very very sensitive person, but i do care about people's feelings and i am not a person who's good at expressing myself, so if you are my friend you will notice i will ask "you know what i am talking about? / you know what i am saying?/ you know what i mean? " coz i just dunt want my words come out wrong / gives the wrong idea.

2nd of all, i am a human being, so i for sure have feelings and i hardly let it all out infront of anyone. and pardon me if u only see me as me as whom u thought u know. I dunt want to make things/feelings or any kind of emotions gets too complicated or deep becoz we all are vulnerable to these damages. so i have tried to say some hard things in the easiest possible way and i really do hope that it works.

3rd regarding about my uni things, its still messy and complicated and hard and i am handling this as much as i can and i really do appreciate some support/ encourage from friends, not pouring cold water on me.

uni has always been my dream, since the very 1st day i step into my primary school, i know i will not giving up studying until i get my degree. (it might sound very exaggerated, but i really do mean it) so whatever i do now, its part of fulfilling my own dream. and seriously, i dunt feel sorry or guilty or even a little bit of regret of making my dream come true. overall its not sth bad, its a wonderful thing to have a dream to have that sth that you want it so badly and you will do whatever to achieve it. and i dunt give it a damn about if i chasing my degree-dream hurts anyone's feelings. seriously, i dunt care.

and i dunt how to make it sound better, but if you are reading this and you are a friend of mine and you treats me as your friend, you should understand that i am missing out on things not on purpose but coz i am focusing on getting my uni deal done.

last but not least, about me after uni,

will i come back to singapore or not?

to that, I DON'T KNOW.

i have thing 3 years working bound with the govt. and i have to serve it no matter what.
and i can do it in 2 ways.

1. come back to singapore find a company and work.
2. find a singapore company outside of singapore and work.

so i dunt know which way i will choose yet but when the time comes i will.

and i feel no obligation to choose way 1 or way 2 for anyone or for any reason, becoz its my life, its about how i want to live it and it depends on me. not depends on anyone's approval, anyone's feelings or anyone's opinion.

and i think, thats about all the things i want to say. and i know this entry might be harsh or unsensible or even hurtful, but i guess, no one would want to live a life for others but not for themselves don't they?

so i hope i have made my point here. and just dunt get me wrong by thinking i am a heartless person who doesnt care about others' feelings. in fact i do care it very much.

and trust me its a tough decision to make when it comes to leave or stay.

i love all my friends who loves me and i treasure everything, every friend, every friendship that i have ever had here and i will really miss it when i leave this wonderful place.

theres still sth left unsaid, and i guess i just could say it here. so thats all.

nites :)