~.. live, life ..~

days of my life.

2009-12-05T21:25:00.005+08:00

its been so long since the last entry i have here and i dunt know if anyone still reads it, but thats fine, coz i am only writing in here to let out some of my feelings.

alot has been going on recently and i've really tried my very best to handle everything at the same time. and btw, i am not a very good multi-task handler. ha.

somethings i feel that i have to let it out and to at least make myself feel better.

1st of all, i might not be a very very very sensitive person, but i do care about people's feelings and i am not a person who's good at expressing myself, so if you are my friend you will notice i will ask "you know what i am talking about? / you know what i am saying?/ you know what i mean? " coz i just dunt want my words come out wrong / gives the wrong idea.

2nd of all, i am a human being, so i for sure have feelings and i hardly let it all out infront of anyone. and pardon me if u only see me as me as whom u thought u know. I dunt want to make things/feelings or any kind of emotions gets too complicated or deep becoz we all are vulnerable to these damages. so i have tried to say some hard things in the easiest possible way and i really do hope that it works.

3rd regarding about my uni things, its still messy and complicated and hard and i am handling this as much as i can and i really do appreciate some support/ encourage from friends, not pouring cold water on me.

uni has always been my dream, since the very 1st day i step into my primary school, i know i will not giving up studying until i get my degree. (it might sound very exaggerated, but i really do mean it) so whatever i do now, its part of fulfilling my own dream. and seriously, i dunt feel sorry or guilty or even a little bit of regret of making my dream come true. overall its not sth bad, its a wonderful thing to have a dream to have that sth that you want it so badly and you will do whatever to achieve it. and i dunt give it a damn about if i chasing my degree-dream hurts anyone's feelings. seriously, i dunt care.

and i dunt how to make it sound better, but if you are reading this and you are a friend of mine and you treats me as your friend, you should understand that i am missing out on things not on purpose but coz i am focusing on getting my uni deal done.

last but not least, about me after uni,

will i come back to singapore or not?

to that, I DON'T KNOW.

i have thing 3 years working bound with the govt. and i have to serve it no matter what.
and i can do it in 2 ways.

1. come back to singapore find a company and work.
2. find a singapore company outside of singapore and work.

so i dunt know which way i will choose yet but when the time comes i will.

and i feel no obligation to choose way 1 or way 2 for anyone or for any reason, becoz its my life, its about how i want to live it and it depends on me. not depends on anyone's approval, anyone's feelings or anyone's opinion.

and i think, thats about all the things i want to say. and i know this entry might be harsh or unsensible or even hurtful, but i guess, no one would want to live a life for others but not for themselves don't they?

so i hope i have made my point here. and just dunt get me wrong by thinking i am a heartless person who doesnt care about others' feelings. in fact i do care it very much.

and trust me its a tough decision to make when it comes to leave or stay.

i love all my friends who loves me and i treasure everything, every friend, every friendship that i have ever had here and i will really miss it when i leave this wonderful place.

theres still sth left unsaid, and i guess i just could say it here. so thats all.

nites :)

totally speechless. :(

2009-03-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

i am really very worried about it and the worst part is i can do nothing about it.
It seems like theres no other way out and i think the only thing i can do now is wait.
Wait for the time to pass and wait for myself to get older and older.

iamverysad.veryverysad.

for you.

2009-02-04T09:02:00.003+08:00

you said, you will wait for my uni graduation and attend my graduation ceremony

you dont cook and you hate cooking but you'll always cook my fav. dish when i go back to your place and i know thats the only dish you know how to cook and you actually learnt how to cook it just for me.

when i cry, you hug me and tell me you are a superman and wont let any one bully me

i am the only one that you've allowed to read newspaper with you together even though at that time i only know about 50 chinese words.

before i had my operation, you secretly bring me out of the hospital and taught me how to fly a kite.

when i was being sent to the operation room, you are the last one to let go of my hand.

when i failed my tests and dare not to ask my parents for their signature, you will always sign on the failed paper and told me i got to score a 100 next time to make up for that.

you sent me to the airport and you were holding my hands until the minute i had to board the plane

you dont talk much but you always talk to me and ans my silly questions

the last thing you asked me to do which i didnt do is to spend a chinese new year with you
and the last thing i can do for you is to keep all the memories in my heart.

bye bye.
and i know you will be just as happy up there.

one apple, one orange.
poker cards, mahjong and chess
and a warm smile on your face. :)

不做你的天使....

2009-01-15T23:45:00.003+08:00

听说过,
人的眼泪是希望
天使的眼泪是离别

每一次因想念而流下的眼泪
是我希望你会陪在我身边

每一次睡觉前都会努力祈祷
是希望我可以梦到你的脸

我的眼泪是希望,
我不做你的天使, 因为讨厌再次离别.

times like this, i really do hope that you could be with me.
loves.

!

2008-12-11T00:45:00.005+08:00

its a random post.

i hate people want to tell me something and they stopped after they told me half of it.
i hate people dont appreciate for what i have done for them
i hate people whos trying to act as if he's my friend when he is not
i hate this you-dont-know, nvm-lets-drop-the-topic thing.
(i am NOT an idiot, and stop telling me *nvm, u dont know*. AND if you dont wish to say anything then dont even bring it into the conversation. im not some idle person whos got nth to do and listen to your stupid and unimportant story ok!!!??)

so if u think u will do one of the above things, then dont be my friend.
and if u are already my friend, then DONT DO ANY OF THE ABOVE.

dont come and ruin my day.
its really better if you can just

SHUT UP AND GET LOST.
if not, you can go and fcuk yourself.

yes. am angry.

before CT

2008-12-06T22:56:00.007+08:00

*dont have time for a proper nice pose*

*argh!!! whats that?? why like that??? DUNT UNDERSTAND!!!*

the BATTLE FIELD.

time is seriously NOT enough.

and these was taken a few days ago when we were in the library studying for our CT.

now, 2/4 papers over, and all of us felt that the FP 10% quiz histroy is going to repeat.

SHIT.

CT. and more

2008-12-06T22:43:00.003+08:00

i am feeling very stressed. really really very very very stressed.........
stressed not only by Common test, but also other things.
life's not easy esp recently.

and i dont understand why you said that.
you know that i am having my common test this period
and i really tried to....
but common test this time is really stressful
and i really dont want to fail any paper again.

my dear friend,
may be you could try to be more understanding.

deeply appreciated.

you are hopeless.

2008-11-17T00:52:00.004+08:00

i thought it was easy to deny,
i thought it was easy to hold on,
i thought it was easy to keep looking on the brighter side...
i thought.....

now
i know that i was wrong.
and
it can never be right.

pics! :)

2008-11-14T19:46:00.009+08:00

so the whole class went to Yum Cha to have Dim Sum buffet after school. ^^

so after thebuffet, when all of us get into the lift, this sign show. LOL. (we ate too much already haha )

but we are still very happy! :) TA06 rocks. ^^

the girls ^^

7th nov. 2008. gathering with ber, dawn, hs, th and ben :)

sentosa with TA06. long ago haha =)

10th nov. MY BIRTHDAY :))

and i really feel like buying this dress. =(

Class Chalet on 10th oct to 12oct. ^^

P.S. Cafe ^^ on 6th nov. 2008. Love my Martini. :))

她。

2008-01-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

一杯热咖啡，
陪伴了她一整个下午

房间里那盏她最爱的灯所发出来的微弱的光似乎比
窗外那被乌云遮挡住了的阳光还要刺眼

发着呆，没有主题的乱想，
然后也想着他。

想到香浓的咖啡味渐渐的散去
想到咖啡从香浓变成酸苦
想到外面从闷闷阴天变成湿湿雨天
想到......忘记自己

如果她的爱，不足够让他深深的陷下去
那至少，她会用她不足够大的身影去承担他所有的委屈和不如意......

小时候的她，曾经偷偷的在生日那天许下了一个愿望

因为那是愿望，所以她把它叫做
爱情，

因为那是爱情，所以她把它叫做

曾经。

宝贝，下雨了
我们别想了。

for you.

2008-01-19T00:55:00.000+08:00

你做的任何一件小事都可以轻易的感动我

一直，一直

让我感动。

世界？

2007-12-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

最近才发现
世界真的不是那么的美好

每次，都告诉自己

世界是美好的
不要把自己的不开心怪罪于这美丽的人类栖息地

无奈心还是固执的怪罪着
怪罪着所有的人，事，物

还好还好还好

没有把你忘掉

怎样的活着。

2007-11-27T19:03:00.000+08:00

别说再见，因为可能再也不能见面。
我不勇敢，所以我没有办法潇洒的对以前的我说再见，

在我的梦里有一个最安全，最美丽，最无忧的世界
放下一切，我带你去，美好的让你发出感叹地世界

如果我可以勇敢的说再见
我相信生命可以美好一些

用无力的双手按着受伤的心的伤口，
用没有灵魂的笑容掩盖一切

我相信没有人可以看穿一颗受伤的心的很里面
没有人可以愈合一个看不见的伤口

然后没有然后，只有继续
继续用力挤出剩下的眼泪
继续让

眼泪

跟随这无辜的世界的无奈
慢慢洗掉这人类的残酷
掩盖来自心底的撕裂声

寻找纯真

不存在。

2121212121

2007-11-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

you are late.

and i dont know if i should wait.

the day ends.

from heart

2007-11-08T01:52:00.000+08:00

我的生活完全处于一种矛盾之中
因为我自己本身就是一个矛盾的个体。

那天，我看着他们离去的背影突然觉得自己好孤单，可是我又摇了摇头对自己说，孤单还是自由只是不同的人丛不同的角度看一个个体的看法，我并没有必要把生活中的一部分变得复杂，自由还是孤单自己只要好好的体会就好，因为不论是哪一种看法或是感受，只要好好的用心体会并且珍惜就能感觉到生活的美好。

后来，我把自己的心当成了朋友，并且告诉它我的感受，它好像真的听到了，并且对我说，只要有它，我就永远不孤单，永远拥有自由。

但愿我能永远拥有这个朋友，永远能用一颗善感的心去感应这世界，宁愿多体验而伤到自己，也不愿错过人生的每分每秒，心灵的幸福流露。

彩虹

2007-11-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

i love this song. i love it.

dunt want to switch off my comp. just because of this. =DDDD

seriously in love with it! wakaka

一首好歌伴我入梦.

happyhappyhappy.

4

photozz part I

2007-10-31T19:06:00.001+08:00

this post is all about the Shanghai trip, and i've decided to let the pictures do the story telling job =)
enjoysss =))

爱

2007-08-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

爱，简单的一个字，没有任何人可以完整的说出它的定义。

爱，究竟是什么，谁说的清楚呢？

在我的小到不能再小的世界里每天都上演着无数版本的爱。

有的人的爱是从形影不离表现出来的

有的人的爱是从欢喜冤家的形式体现出来的

有的人的爱是从等待着有一天可以挽回的痴情而表达出来的

最后，也有无声无息默默守候的爱

你的爱，是哪一种
你爱的人，是哪一种
你的回忆，是哪一种

我说的你懂不懂？

紫

2007-08-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

一个人

深夜

呼吸着

世界上

最

冰冷

的

空气

温暖从空气中消失不见

时间真的无法

倒带

醉清风

2007-06-18T01:18:00.000+08:00

醉清风是什么样的感觉呢？

我想应该是夜晚时分，宁静的片刻空气中最温柔的晚风吧

真的很享受这样的午夜的安静

美美的月亮和星星

暗蓝色的天空

一切的一切都是那么的平和、安逸

没有白天的吵闹、烦躁

心里很舒服很安静

一杯红酒，伴我入梦......

醉清风

歌手:弦子
月色正朦胧
与清风把酒相送
太多的诗颂
醉生梦死也空
和你醉后缠绵你曾记得
乱了分寸的心动
怎么只有这首歌
会让你轻声合醉清风
梦镜的虚有
琴声一曲相送
还有没有情浓
风花雪月颜容
和你醉后缠绵你曾记得
乱了分寸的心动
蝴蝶去向无影踪
举杯消愁意正浓无人宠
是我想得太多
犹如飞蛾扑火那么冲动最后
还有一盏烛火燃尽我
曲终人散谁无过错我看破
『月色正朦胧与清风把酒相送』
『太多的诗颂醉生梦死也空』
『和你醉后缠绵』
『你曾记得』
『梦镜的虚有清唱一曲相送』
『还有没有情浓风花雪月颜容』
『和你醉后缠绵』
『你曾记得』
梦镜的虚有
琴声一曲相送
还有没有情浓
风花雪月颜容
和你醉后缠绵你曾记得
乱了分寸的心动
蝴蝶去向无影踪举杯消愁意正浓无人宠
是我想得太多
犹如飞蛾扑火那么冲动最后
还有一盏烛火燃尽我
曲终人散谁无过错我看破
是我想得太多啊..
犹如飞蛾扑火那么冲动最后
还有一盏烛火燃尽我
曲终人散谁无过错
我看破

心雨

2007-06-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

一个人的心到底要多痛才可在睡梦中流着晶莹剔透的泪醒来

一个人的心到底可以装多少的痛苦才会感觉到生命对于她来说是不具任何意义的

一个人的心到底经历了多少的煎熬才会感觉不到痛心的滋味

你

知道吗？

没有梦的夜晚，只是她累得沉沉睡去的片刻

没有关怀的日子，她只能靠着那仅存的坚强而呼吸所剩无几的空气

太多的没有让她在也不敢奢求什么，太多的痛让她觉得那只是生活的无奈

可是她却忘了，没有谁是能够独自一个人忍受所有的痛苦而继续的生活的

心爱的人的离去，没人了解的痛苦，努力生活的辛酸，她都一一接受

也许是麻木了，也许是不愿想太多，

不知从什么时候开始，眼泪也成为了一种奢侈品。

泪变成了雨，打在她心里

心没有伞，任由雨倾盆而下

雨没有土的包容而带着痛，侵袭全身，

直到她痛到不痛

直到她没有感觉

她没有勇气把一切的痛，苦狠狠地丢掉

因为她相信，痛和苦是永远也不会离她而去的

所以经过岁月的洗礼，

美丽而晶莹的泪是再也不会出现在她脸庞的绝世美艳

痛彻心扉的伤害是她麻木的心永远的伤痕

伪装的快乐也许真的是她这辈子唯一的

幸福。

so wads happiness?

2007-06-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

..........

have been having a bad mood since dunt know when, even shopping and purple cant really cheer me up. damn afraid that i will fall into depression. damn it.

lots of things have happened and i dont really know how to handle it.
may be i have never had the ability to handle wadever thats happening now.

i wished that i have never been here, today, this place, not even one second and i am hoping that time can went back and bring me back to year 1999 and give me another chance to choose what i want.

i should have insist that i want to stay at where i was born and i seriously think that i will suit that place mroe than here.

may be i wont have so much things to worry, i wont have to think of any solutions and i wont have to worry about.................

happniess????
i dunt know whats that.
i dunt know what dose it mean.

i just know that i dont have it at all.

running away.

2007-02-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

有些事不一定要说
有些事不一定要做

因为
有些人没有在听
有些人不想要听

所以我不说因为我哑口无言

因为
有些事我不想做
有些事我不能做
有些事我真的做不到

所以我无动于衷

就像是一只胆小的鸵鸟

只会把头深深的埋在沙子里

不敢用心.......

去听
去看
去想

没有任何的勇气去面对现实

没有任何的勇气去奢望

美丽的愿望也许真的会实现

所以在太多的没有的没有的期盼里

有的只是那最容易完成的永远不会实现的承诺
有的只是那微不足道的自尊

关于人生需要一个伴侣, 否则会孤单这样的道理, 对我来说并不具任何的意义, 因为我深深的相信着, 一个人最终得自己奋斗....而朋友, 蕴育我们的家人, 都只是阶段性的停驻, 不是我要离开谁, 而是....最终, 每一个在我生命中出现的人, 都会离开我。

所以
现在的我
竭尽全力

珍惜

因为
过去的过去

现在的现在

未来未来未来….

2007-02-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

当你撑着伞
在情人节那天对她说我爱你的时候

我的眼泪看到了你们的甜蜜
因为它变成了雨打在你们的伞上

给我的天衣无缝的谎言
给她的无可比拟的爱恋

一切的一切对我来说总是那么的刺眼

现在不需要，不需要任何的理由

只要我看得到你幸福的笑容
只要你真的开心就好
....就好

我还在奢望.....

奢望着....

如果此刻的你看得到我的眼睛
那么在那棕色的圆心里
你看得到的不仅仅是那颗破碎了的钻石
那里还有一种不用说出口的感觉

现在
我的爱
用它的翅膀
轻轻的飞到了天堂
等待着..........
........等待着

另一个梦幻的想像.......

2006-12-31T19:27:00.000+08:00

summer is on my head....but eternal winter is in my heart....

the last day of this year.....

i am not going to go out for countdown....

i just want to stay at home and wait for this year to step into the history....

time just goes sec by sec....and people had more memories....

memories are created and accumulated....however...some of it will fade after sometimes...

but some will always stay and reminds me of the past.....

20 years of my life had past.....i wonder how many 20 years i will have in my life....

this number....

to the older people....its such a short time....

but to the younger ones....its such a long time that many of them never give it a thought....

20 years......i spent 3/4 of it in school...and made a lot of friends....

after another 2o years....

whom...where....what....will i be???

i will get my ans after another 20 years.....

i hope the longer I live the more beautiful life becomes......

wish everyone a happy new year....^-^

life can never be backspaced.....

*~.. live, life ..~*

days of my life.

totally speechless. :(

for you.

不做你的天使....

!

before CT

CT. and more

you are hopeless.

pics! :)

她。

for you.

世界？

怎样的活着。

2121212121

from heart

彩虹

photozz part I

爱

紫

醉清风

心雨

so wads happiness?

~.. live, life ..~